A Day at the Movies

"500 Days of Summer" looked like a cute movie. I've been fond of Joseph Gordon-Levitt since his days as the youngest of that crazy cast from "Third Rock from the Sun." I didn't know much about Zooey Deschanel except that she has a nice voice ("She and Him"). I heard good things about the movie so I decided to see it this weekend. Knowing it was already popular, I made sure to get to the theater a half hour before it started. I waited in line and went to my favorite spot -- the last row, center seat. Nerd alert: I even brought a book (and booklight) to read while waiting for the coming attractions. Sure enough, the theater got crowded, but I had an empty seat on either side of me by the time the movie started. Now, here comes my luck: the woman to my left decided to play theater usher. She noticed a couple looking around for a place to sit. She asked me, "Is anyone sitting on the other side of you?" Was I going to lie? I said no. Then -- I'm not kidding -- she turned to the aisle and said "There's 2 seats here - 2. And she holds up her arm signalling the number two. I wanted to signal her, but not with two fingers. The couple makes their way to the middle (the movie started, by the way). I moved over a seat, only to discover that the person next to me was wearing some cheap-ass eau de toilette. So I spent the movie with my hand covering one nostril. Not exactly comfortable. While I was sitting there, trying to breathe through my mouth, I thought: what should I have done differently? Should I have refused to move, making this young couple sit on either side of me? That seemed childish...I mean, what's one seat? It's not like I had to move to a different row. Maybe I should have left and asked for my money back, but was that the better option? Return next week, if and when I had time? What I wanted to do was go over to the self-appointed usher and tell her thanks to her interference, my movie experience went from promising to miserable but that too would have been childish. Here's the lesson I learned: don't go to a popular movie the first weekend it comes out. I never have this problem when I wait a couple of weeks after a new release. Or, I could do what my sister suggested: carry a bottle of garlic oil and dab a little behind my ears. There's a solution: make me the stinky one.